Angus macdougall

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2010-02-02T13:10:00.002-05:00

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The Greatest Thing...

2005-02-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

Since sliced bread... Aye! Ye've all heard the sayin' but did ye know it wad Angus who invented sliced bread to begin with?

Och Aye! It's true..

It was 1927 and Ah was in northwest Missouri working as a baker. Tha bakery crowd dinna seem to mind if Ah wore me kilt and ah dinna minde tha they wore their ridiculous hats. t'was a good match far me as kilt wearin wad'ne taken very well ba' then. We e'en traded clothes at times.

Now, Angus fancied a lassie by the name of Isabella..Och..well, it dunna matter. Ah canna remember her whole name anyway. Isabella was as fine a lass a ye'd ever seen. But, she wad no in Angus' league. Aye tis true! Angus would hae to come down from his high horse to court her.

But Aye. Love...is blind and ye lads know tha...so whan Isabella wad come into the bakery shoppe, Angus wad slice her bread by hand for her as a token of my affection. Bu' Isabella dinna realize tha and soon all the towne thought that ye could buy pre-sliced bread at Angus' bakery far the same price as regular bread..

Well, Angus could'ne keep up wi' tha demand. Ah even raised the price o' sliced bread. Bu' tha made the towne angry with ol' Angus an' eventually they kicked me out on me bare kilt. Brooch and all.

Angus heard later tha' tha town went to ruin because they'd could'ne get pre-sliced bread. Far, once ye've had pre-sliced Macdougall bread ye canna go back. Eventually one of the former bakers in the town invented an infernal machine to slice bread in his new town...Och! A machine dunna tae the care to ensure tha toast is as thick as ye'er wrist, Bu' Angus did

Aye, t'was Angus' idee. But do Ah get any o tha credit? NO!!

Angus on Valentines Dae...

2005-02-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

Och Lad's and lassies tis true...Angus dunna hae a Valentine thas year.

Ah Dunno wha happened. Ah usually hae tha ladies all o'er me todae but no thas year.

Ah tried many thin's but Ah dunna hae any luck wi' the women.

Ah tried tha bars but Ah hae no luck thar either. They dunna tae you seriously if ye be wearing a skirt..

Ah tried tha laundromat but they don tae you serious if ye dunna wear yer clothes. (ah only hae two kilt..an one is fer special occasion)

Ah tried tha internet but all I got were lassie tha jus wanted Angus to show em whas up is kilt. Ah don li tha. At least ye should buy me dinner first.

Ah dunna try tha personal ads cuz Ah don wan to seem desparate..

Och! Tha plight of tha romantic Scotsman...

Why canna Angus no find a nice lassie who li tha pipes and long walks up steep mountains and romantic dinna o' haggis an ale and dunna mind tha I hae a pet sheep (Och, It's a Pet!!!)

Angus on gay marriage

2005-02-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

Oh aye, Angus idn'e one to pu his nose in anyone's business bu' thas gay marriage thing 'as got me all riled up.

Ah wonder why don ye take tha next step an allow polygamy? Ah'm serious lad and lassies!

Traditional familes ere a thing o' tha past. Bu society dunna recognize tha too quickly. Ah Li' tha idee of lettin' anyone marry anyone else. An who's to sae if a family wi two Da's id better than one wi' a Mammy an' a Da..

bu' Tae it one step further...Why canna a man hae two da's an one mammy? Angus hae two Da's and his dear ol' mammy an look how he turned out!

Aye, tha bottom line is tha ye'er family is ye'er family now matter who they are and who they are related to...tha government should'ne tell ye who can and canna be ye'er family and wha does an dunna work.

Gay Polygamy Now!!!

Ye'ers truly,
Angus...

Angus gets mugged

2005-02-04T12:30:00.000-05:00

Many years agoo, on me usual, walk late at ni' ah ran into a vagrant ..

"Give me your cash, old man " is what they sae.

Now, First of all, Ahm an old man but I dunna look old and secondly, I did'ne have any cash..

"Oooooooh look at yew! All dressed up to be scary. OOOOOOH. Do ye not have anythin' better to do than scare an old man o' of his two bits?"

"Look man, Just hand it over"

Och indeed, the laddie looked li' he was in wee bit o' a hurry.

"Och Aye lad, I dunna have any cash on me an' e'en if Ah did I would'ne gi' it to ye"

"Let's see the wallet....come on, man...."

"Lad, weer d'ye think Ah can put a 'wallet' in a kilt"

"Man, you transvestite hookers are all the same..."

"Laddie, I 'ave no idee what ye'er talkin' 'bout...transvestibule or transfats or transformers or what e'er it was tha ye said."

"Come on man, a sweet piece of ass like you must have gotten some action tonight."

Och and I lost it...The'er are jus some things one man should'ne sae to another on a dark street corner. 'Less ye'er interested in tha..Which Angus is no...bu he' ok with it ootherwise. Ah dropped a headbutt on 'is forheed. He did'ne ge' up bah 'e was OK. So Ah left.

When Ah got 'ome Ah got out mea ol' Scottish t' English Dictionary and looked up 'transvestite' an' thas how Angus came up wi' the idee for the cartoon: The Transformers.

Incidentally, Optimus Prime was supposed to be scottish an' so was Soundwave and Megatron

Bu, what 'appened next is a story fer another dae.

Aye, Ye may be famous but ye'er still a wee pansy

2005-01-31T13:05:00.000-05:00

Och aye, So, Mr Wilson was on tha tube and oooooh now he's famous and ooooooh he gets electronic mail from people who think he and his musician friends are bonnie...Well laddie, I dunna think ye'er bonnie...Angus still thinks ye'er a wee pansy...Och, but this canna be aboot ye an me. Ah've got more important things to discuss.

The'er are some rules that ye should know if ye'er gonna be a visitor to MacDougalls World.

1. Angus is always right
2. Angus knows ev'rythin
3. Angus wrote all of Queen's music no matter what anyone else says
4. Angus saved the world on multiple occasions an' he'll do it again.
5. Angus dunna like you or anyone else for that matter
6. no' only can Angus toss a kaber bu' he can catch one too
7. Angus dunna have the brooch so dunna ask 'im an' even if he did, he wad'ne gi' it to the likes of ye.
8. Angus dunna have a sheep, though he wad li' one...as a pet...
9. Angus is really old
10. Angus mae tha world go 'round

Och laddies and lassie, if ye follow these simple rules then angus dunna hav' to find you and destroy you.

"Angus will destroy you, my friends
And he'll beat ye down 'til yer dead
Angus will destroy you, ANGUS WILL DESTROY YOU!
No time for you guys, cuz Angus will destroy you
And save the world."

Sean is a big, fat, lazy, fatty cat bureaucrat and he dunna smell very nice either!!

2005-01-27T16:33:00.000-05:00

Och Aye Lad's n' Lassies Ol' Uncle Angus is still around.

I'm nae too happy wi' Sean. He dunna let me say much in his infernal blog. So I decided to show him an' Ah started me own blog...

Och Sean, How do'yee li' that? Ye did'ne think Angus wad do it eh? Oh Aye, I showed you...I showed you right proper. Angus can say what Angus wants to now and there is'ne a damn thing you can do about it! Oooooh, I can tell ye dunna like it laddie. Ah can tell that ye're ready to gi' up ye'er brooch. And dunna try to deny it laddie...Angus knows..

Ye canna censor Angus forever laddie, Ye knew, one day Angus would get out...Dunna worry lad, I'm no angry wi' ye. Ye jus' keep sendin' ye'er cheque and I won tell em e'rything...

Ye'ers truly,
Angus MacDougall